Army Veteran Found Support To Live Authentically After Service
Serving in the closet was hard. During Don't Ask, Don't Tell, it was a matter of, could you be found out, and if you were found out, would you be put out? It still impacts me, to be quite honest.
I'm Elijah. I served in the Air Force and the Army. My MOS was 76 Charlie in the Army, and 41 Alpha Hospital Administrator in the Air Force. And I served 24 years, 10 months, and eight days. I was 17 years old when I filled out the application. There was a question, actually in 1987, "Are you a homosexual?" And I lied on that application. And so for the next 24 years, 10 months and eight days, I lived a complete lie.
My first incident, I would say it was a MST, Military Sexual Trauma, in basic training with a drill sergeant there. So, I was serving during the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy. Hiding my identity impacted my mental health greatly. Drinking became my coping mechanism, and so drinking led to a lot of depression, suppression of feelings.
Transitioning out of the military was really tough for me. My mom gave me some tough love as I was getting ready to retire from the military, but I started retreating. I began to close down, so much so that I didn't wanna be around my family. I didn't wanna be around my friends and my mother finally said, "You gotta get some help."
Individual talk therapy worked well for me because the therapists that I worked with, they were brilliantly able to help me solve my own problems. I have a couple of mental health diagnosises. The first one is anxiety. The second one is major depression, and the third one is gender dysphoria.
So, gender dysphoria is basically, I didn't understand why I was seeing a female version of me. When I looked in the mirror. I started realizing that there was one truth that I hadn't told. I was assigned to a person who was specifically for gender-affirming care. It helped me understand that what I was feeling was valid. Gender reassignment therapy was amazing. It would not have been possible for me personally financially without the VA. You know, that's a true benefit. So, what worked well for me in treatment is number one, medication. The second thing that worked well is telling the truth.
Faith has been everything for me. It helped me know that it was okay to go to therapy. It helped me to know that it's really necessary. And so, it's just really provided me a space of freedom to explore.
It means everything for my Bishop to support me. He really is not just my Bishop, he's my friend. He helped me through the lowest point in my life. We talked about that today while we were hiking. He saw the person that I am today, even before I transitioned. He just loved me back to life.
The advice that I would have for any Veteran struggling with their mental health is to first of all know that, that's okay. The VA has amazing LGBTQIA+ support groups within the Mental Health Department. So, take advantage of those mental health support groups if you can. I'm a mental health advocate. I'm a trans advocate. I personally don't want to just sit back and watch things unfold. I want to be a part of the unfolding, and that helps me. That helps my mental health.
