Army Veteran Shares How Sobriety Helped Him Heal From His Trauma
I had begun self-medicating with Tramadol. Being alone with a bottle is like the worst thing ever. That's probably the lowest low I was at. All you can see around you is the worst things in the world.
Hi, I'm Brian. Served in the US Army. I was a 68 Whiskey Medic and I served from 2009 to 2013. I actually grew up with a long family history of serving the country, like going as far back as like the French and Indian War. Felt a little like destiny. One of the big things that kind of affected me is I was ready for like combat and I had the mental aptitude, but the thing that struck me was when we had to help injured Afghan civilians, especially kids, a big part of my PTSD has to deal with an event there. I couldn't do crying kids 'cause it just took me back to that moment. This really broke my heart 'cause I lost a lot of time with my nephew.
I was actually married while I was in and my marriage fell apart while I was deployed, couple that with the fact that I got injured while I was there, like shrapnel or a gunshot wound, but I had injured my back and my knee. You learn to channel all your emotional responses into anger. My transition, I kind of just stumbled and fell out of the Army is a good way to put it. And then when I got back, I started like getting my hands on pain pills and stuff. I was drinking a lot. I got to the point where I'd be out partying all night. I should have gotten DUIs as like big risk-taking on that part. Again too, like using the pain pills and everything like that causes you to oversleep. I'd miss work. Probably in the first two or three years I was home, I think I ran through about six or seven jobs. I just, I couldn't hold anything down. By like 2018, I was drinking so much and using pain pills so much that I bloomed up to like 240 pounds. Obviously, like you pour heavy 'cause everyone's drunk. They don't know that's how drunk you are and how much you're drinking, so it's weird how you create an environment to justify your addiction.
My mom, she asked me to go and speak with somebody and she was like on the verge of tears about it. Actually, the first time I finally did cry after I left the Army was like the first time I sat down. What happened to me wasn't normal and telling someone that wasn't a burden. That was my first session. There was a long way to go, but I finally felt like there was a light.
My diagnosis is PTSD. My sobriety has positively affected me over time because started realizing, you know, when you're in addiction, you're medicating to avoid the bad things, but as your addiction grows, then you can only see the bad things so you have an excuse to continue medicating. Instead of just like one moment of clarity, it's like walking out of this haze. The longer it goes, the more good you see in your life and how truly full that it is.
But also going into counseling at the VA, there's a huge level of honesty required to get sober and maintain sobriety so how many people that you're accountable to, the value of it just multiplies over time. You get your toolset that helps you in the moment, and then as you develop that, then you get to work back to a point where you prevent the actual like acute instance.
I've had much better relationships with my family and friends. I could spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews. You're gonna go hills and valleys, but as long as you're moving in the right direction, it's worth it. I think one of the beautiful things I've realized too in community is all people understand what you've done for them and now they'd like an opportunity to do the same for you and there's this beautiful thing that happens where you, at some of your hardest and darkest and lowest moments, those people come for you and you see the return of investment on community.
