This song is one that I wrote right after I got out of rehab, and it was ultimately about my sobriety and asking for help.
♪ I have talked so much, my world just walked away ♪
♪ Even sober now, I can't seem to keep it straight ♪
♪ But there's solace in this melody and ♪
♪ There is so much now with the men I left behind ♪ ♪ Inside of you ♪
I'm Nick. I was in the Army, joined in 2008, and I'm a 91-Fox, which is small arms repair. Iraq was kind of pretty well built up. You're there in a war zone for a long, extended period of time with these thoughts of, "Man, this could be the day that I don't go home," or you see other people die or hear of other people dying as well.
I got off active duty, and there was a huge hole missing in my life, and so I turned to alcohol to kind of fill that void. I was going through 18 beers a night and passing out. My family had almost all but wrote me off. You can only call 'em so many times at 3:00 in the morning before people get annoyed with you. It had a huge impact on everybody that I was around. There wasn't a lot that I felt like I was living for, so I called a friend of mine and said, "Man, I'm gonna kill myself if you don't come get me." He came and picked me up, took me to the VA. My family was all in the area. I woke up from kind of a blackout, and my grandpa's there, and he's like, basically, "You need to get your life together," in not such a nice way.
They offered me a 28-day inpatient program. Of course, I have the same worries and excuses that everybody else does, like, "How am I gonna be able to afford to pay my rent and stuff if I'm in rehab?" I had a great boss that was like, "We'll figure that out. You just go get better." If I hadn't had that inpatient, I would still be drinking today, and that was, geez, eight years ago. So the most effective thing for me throughout the process with the VA is just the one-on-one sessions, really, that I got afterward. Just the life coaching I get from my therapist is pretty awesome. I had PTSD with depression.
The big tools that I've learned through therapy are just whenever I'm in these situations where I have high anxiety and everything can blow up very easily, is for me to take a step back and not engage in it at the moment, and so to walk away, calm down, and rethink my approach to how I'm going to handle these things.
Serving in the National Guard now definitely helps me feel supported because I do have, you know, the same assets available, too, as well, like chain of command, you know, NCOs that I work with and who I can call if I'm having a low moment. The main big keys for maintaining my sobriety is, honestly, my kid. I have a 4-year-old that's, like, I look at him, and I could not imagine going into the house drunk and him seeing that ever just because I know how I was.
My advice for other service members and Veterans, don't wait to ask for help. We think that we can fix our problems ourselves, and you just have to accept that you might not be able to, and so if you have a problem and you're not getting help, the only person that's making excuses is you. Played guitar for 23 years. Now I just do solo acoustic stuff. It's called "Because of you", and I wrote it basically for my grandpa.
♪ Give me some peace and keep me from falling down ♪
♪ 'Cause I, walk through the ashes, search for brighter days ♪
♪ I'm comatose, but I still feel okay, yeah ♪
♪ Because I know ♪
