At first, I thought, well, I'm just teaching people how to play guitar. A Vietnam Veteran was very special. He called me to his bedside before he passed away. He gave me this talk and told me to keep doing what I was doing, that this was important to teach other Veterans how to play guitar and to share music. And if you can add purpose to your pain, you can find a new way to live.
Hi, I am Taylor, I'm a United States Air Force Veteran. I served from '93 to 2003. I held two MOSs during that time. I was in services for the first four years, and then I finished out my term as a unit education training manager. I grew up a military brat. So I came home one day and told my dad I wanted to join the Marines and following his footsteps. My father said, "Over my dead body." And he shipped me off to the Air Force. The next day when I stepped outside, saw this really awesome airframe flying around that looked like, I said, "The Batman plane!" And from that moment on, I was absolutely in love with serving in the Air Force.
I was assigned somebody to drive me around, and this person was very well liked. Instead of driving me around the base, he drove me off the base down to the state park where I was assaulted. So day one, I ended up deploying. This person was on that deployment as well. So the assault continued through various other people as well. It wasn't a safe environment to be in, so I kind of just suffered alone. I coped by working. I just really shut down and isolated because there was always somebody there knocking on my door, somebody making a comment. Everywhere I went, at work, supervisors, and I never felt safe as a woman. You know, is this what life is gonna be like? Who can I trust? Even got married to avoid just being single, maybe being married would be some sort of protection.
I served for 10 years. I thought about, I can't live like this. I have three little babies I can't take care of. I really made the tough decision to leave the military. I didn't realize I was experiencing symptoms, but hindsight is 2020. Bouts of depression and anxiety. It impacted my marriage. In the middle of the night, if my husband would touch me, I would freak out. A lot of anger, a lot of frustration. I felt very incapable in terms of just taking care of myself, let alone a family. I started to recognize that I had a problem.
So I started out in talk therapy. I had heard something about EMDR and that's when I got my PTSD diagnosis. I think you kind of have to relive it to feel it and to heal it. Because the great thing about EMDR is I don't have to sit in detail out my trauma, but I do have to sit with what it feels like inside of me. What happened to me wasn't my fault, but I'm responsible for overcoming it.
My children have seen me at my worst. I want them to see me at my best. Music is so important to me. I learned to play guitar when I was 16 in Okinawa, Japan. And I didn't realize until looking back that I had always used music to regulate myself. As my children were growing up, I felt it was important to teach them. It was like meditation, and prayer, and a place just to process emotions. And that brought a lot of support into my life, and to my family's life. And so January 1st of 2024, I started every day writing lyrics, and I had my first song. It was about how growing up in the military, I don't have any one place that feels like home to me.
When I travel, I feel like I'm at home.
♪ On the road to Colorado ♪
♪ Road sign says 60 more miles to go ♪
♪ I'm singing with the radio ♪
♪ The open road always feels like I'm home ♪
It was great having my daughter join us today. What I love most about having Jordan by my side is that, as I'm out there advocating for Veterans and Veterans mental health, she's advocating on behalf of the family. My children and I have discovered you can't heal a Veteran and not their family.
♪ I need the sunset and the constant thrill ♪
♪ Of the wind blowing through my hair ♪
♪ Life is good ♪
♪ It's not always fair ♪
♪ I'll keep driving 'til I get there ♪
These are conversations we need to have. We need to talk about mental health. We need to talk about getting help. We need to talk about creating safe spaces, how to heal families. I'm so surrounded with support now that I know that no matter what happens, I'm not alone.
♪ Road sign says 30 more miles to go ♪
