Being a mechanic, I tend to go back to that. Think of your issue as you have a specific bolt. There's a specific tool you need that will only work for that. That is your trauma. And to figure out what tool works for you is the best thing you can do.
My name is Jocelyn. I was in the United States Army. My MOS was a 15-Romeo. I served from 2007 to 2010. I was the only female in my unit. Most females were kind of pushed out if they came in. I stayed the longest. I really enjoyed doing it because it was something that I knew helped. Like, I didn't have to fly the helicopter, but I knew that anything I did to help the helicopter go was a major asset.
I experienced MST from my own soldiers. I was drinking with them and somebody slipped a date rape drug in my drink. It caused a lot of problems mentally for me. It ruined my marriage and made it very hard for me to live with myself. I found myself more than once looking down the barrel of a gun. I had a daughter. She's 15 now, but it was about 14 years ago. And she started crying. And I thought, "If I do this, I'm showing her that this is a way out."
I was once told, "Trauma turns you into a glowstick. You have to break it to come out better." They sent me to an MST group that was nothing but females. I definitely learned a lot from being there. It helps me learn different coping mechanisms. Group therapy helped as well because getting the pain out is you releasing the negative energy. I'm now able to go into public places that are in large crowds with my husband, with my service dog, and I don't feel like cowering and running. I don't feel as overwhelmed. I feel very supported by my community.
I'm part of a a Women's Veterans Motorcycle Group where we just all get together and go riding, and it helps relieve a lot of stress and anger and anxiety just to go riding. I paint, I take pictures, I read books, I ride motorcycles. And it's good to have multiple hobbies because if you get stuck or start to get frustrated with one, you have another one that you can always just kinda go to for a little bit and then come back with a fresh pair of eyes.
I know my kids don't always see it, maybe never see it, but they show me that I am working to be a better person, not only for myself, but for them. Having them with me made me feel like I was 10 feet tall and invincible because they are my rocks even if they don't know it. Keep going and let your voice be heard. If someone doesn't listen, that's not the end of the road. You are your own advocate. Don't ever stop fighting for yourself.
