My mother got sick and passed away. That's when the psychiatrist happened to call me back to talk about a refill of medication and was explaining what was going on, and so I had a good cry. She said, "When you're ready, I want you to go through some grief counseling." When I called, the first thing my counselor said to me is, "I've been waiting for you." Hi, I'm Michelle, a US Army Veteran. I was a Tank-Automotive Maintenance Materiel Manager. I served from 1990 until 1998. Transitioning from the military was a lot harder than I anticipated. I was married at the time to another commissioned officer and we had been company commanders together, but what I didn't anticipate was how much I was going to miss the structure and also the credibility, because when I got out of the military, I was only 28 years old, not even 30 years old.
I had already been in charge of quite a bit and had a lot of leadership experience, and I grieved it in a way. We both really struggled with finding our identity and where we fit after the military. The first time I sought mental health, not through the VA, but just out in the civilian world, was when I was going through my divorce. It took me a while though to find a counselor that I felt like really understood me, really got me, if you will. It was a little bit of a journey. My official diagnosis is depression and anxiety. My symptoms are really just a general malaise, if you will, sort of a numbness. It's when I start to self-isolate and can't seem to finish projects, can't seem to stay focused. That seems to be when I go back to seeking out mental health. I like to call them my tune-ups.
I was seeing a psychiatrist in order to get my medication, but they also recommended that I talk with a social worker as a counselor and really they were quite a dynamic duo. Tools I have learned through therapy and really use the most with the cognitive behavioral therapy is really just to feel the feels. To stop trying to avoid that so quickly or if something negative comes up to try to numb or avoid. Because one of the things I've definitely learned, especially about grief through the VA, is that if you don't grieve it now, you're going to get it later because it's going to show up. I'm a regular customer with the Women's Services, and so I particularly like, not every female Veteran does, but I like the private clinics. I like that we have our own dedicated clinic. I'm a big proponent of the women's clinic. I recently joined a dance troupe by the name of Disco Amigos that participate in Mardi Gras parades and other social events around town. We bring disco, keep disco alive, if you will.
So gratifying. It also just reminds again that we're not alone and the importance of community. You don't always choose your family, but you can make your own family. Why I wanted to get involved with this program in the first place is because all we ever really see about mental health counseling are the extremes, and so when I first even talked about this, I didn't think my story was significant enough because I don't have military sexual trauma, I don't have PTSD that's combat related. There's a lot of us that just have everyday life that will sometimes just need some help getting through or processing or really just finding a way to cope. My advice for women Veterans, first of all to understand we are the fastest growing community in the VA. We as a community are starting to gain a lot more respect and credibility. I would just say if you are someone who's struggling with trust in the VA, give it a try. You may be very surprised at how well they'll take care of you.
