Self-isolating, stricken by panic, and on the verge of losing his home as he cared for his sick wife, David reached his lowest point as an Army Veteran. “I never felt so bad about myself,” he says. Then treatment for PTSD, anxiety, and depression started lifting him up, and guitar-based music therapy brought more healing and meaning to his life.
View Video Transcript♩ You can leave, I’m done with your damn greed. Now I can see. Now that you’re gone, I got another one. The scars made by me. But I'm free ♩
PTSD looks different for everybody. Sometimes it's just as simple as your heart starts racing and you don't know why.
I'm David. I served in the United States Army for 13.5 years where I was a human resources specialist. My first deployment was in 2006 to 2007 in Afghanistan. I was constantly in a state of panic mode. I remember when I got back from deployment, I was having horrible dreams, tossing and turning in my sleep. It was a long period of a very hyper-stressful environment.
Transitioning out of the military was not easy. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with ADHD. A lot of really, really dark thoughts. Very, very tired. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to stay home. I wasn't participating in some of the activities I like to do as much. Kind of closing myself off, going through the transition program, I was told, "You did HR for years. This would look good on resume. It will be okay. We’ll put you through this program. It's going to get you five interviews. You'll be set up with a job." So I show up to this interview, and I'm in a button up shirt, wearing slacks. I even got a tie on. I sit down, and the lady is like, "Do you know what you're interviewing for?" I was like, "No I don’t." "It's a part time job stocking shelves from nine at night until one in the morning." And, that was crushing. But, you know, I didn't have anything else.
By the time October rolled around, I have a bank telling me that they're taking the house the next month. The company for my lease, Ford, telling me that they're taking the cars the next month. And I have no answer because I'm making $750 a month, and I couldn't get a job anywhere. I'm taking care of my wife, who has cancer. And I went from a soldier that the country told me I mattered, that people around me told me it mattered, to what I thought was just a piece of crap. I never felt so bad about myself in my life.
I went to a VA appointment for therapy, and we started the appointment like every other appointment, which was, "How are you doing? How are you feeling today? Are you depressed or you have thoughts of suicide?" I start saying yes to a lot of questions I've never said yes to. Police officer came, picked me up. I was registered in the mental ward at Samaritan Hospital in Watertown, New York.
And then I started going to the Vet Center. I had a counselor there. He mentioned this program, Guitars for Vets. And I'm really thankful to him because this is exactly what I needed.
Sometimes you just need to talk to somebody so that you can figure out healthy ways in which you can cope with it and use the skills that are taught to you through counseling and therapy to address issues like that in the future. And so if you're having problems, do it.
When I start playing a guitar and was able to sing and play songs and stuff, it was like a long lost part of me returned. And that's what this program can do. So at one point, I'll go into my Vet appointments and then find myself walking out, driving down the street, heading home. And oh, I should have talked about that. At some point I got kind of upset with myself. And so I wrote a song. What that turned into is every month and a half, two months, me going into therapy and sharing a new song that I wrote. It was just a better way for me to put on paper into words what I was having problems with. And from there I was able to work on me and look at my life going forward. I need to go in a different direction and change things. And so I moved back to Oregon, where I grew up. I started going to the Vet Center in Salem and they're like, "Hey, we got all these guitars. I heard you went through the program. Would you want to teach?" Almost four years later, we've graduated 84 students to the program. It gave me that that meaning in my life. It's just been another level in which I could try to help Veterans.
♩ To be wiser, brighter, kinder. To me. ♩
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are a Veteran or know a Veteran who is feeling hopeless or having thoughts of suicide, talk to someone right away. Consider sharing what you're feeling and thinking with your family, friends, or health care provider. In addition, you can call the Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988 and then Press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net, or send a text to 838255. The Veterans Crisis Line offers free, confidential support, 24/7. Learn more steps you can take on our Feelings of Hopelessness page.
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Video Title: Finding Your Purpose
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Video Title: Army Veteran Crafts a Better Life Through Mental Health Treatment
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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Video Title: “I wasn't ready.” Army Veteran Discusses PTSD and Being Open to Healing
Video Title: Her father saw the signs and recommended help
Video Title: Recovering from a father’s death
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Video Title: “You just continually heal.” Veteran Shares How Women’s Therapy Groups Helped Her Rebuild Her Life
Video Title: Getting back on track in civilian life
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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If you're experiencing stress and anxiety, try practicing relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, to help you cope when things upset you or don't go according to plan. In addition, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Stress and Anxiety page.
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Many Veterans have overcome relationship problems that arose after time away from family or after stressful situations. Try making a "communication plan" to express your thoughts and feelings with loved ones by considering what to say and how. Writing down these thoughts can help your family and friends better understand your circumstances and assist you in finding support. Learn more steps you can take on our Relationship Problems page.
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If you are experiencing eating problems, find healthy ways to manage stress, such as taking a walk, going for a run, practicing relaxation exercises like deep breathing or meditation, or doing something nice for yourself like watching a movie or reading. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Eating Problems page.
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Video Title: A Veteran’s Journey From Homelessness to Hope
Video Title: Treatment for TBI improved David's life
Video Title: A Veteran reaches out for help with TBI symptoms
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If you are experiencing headaches, try to rest with your eyes closed and head supported. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly without skipping meals, staying hydrated, and maintaining good posture are simple lifestyle changes that can help you avoid or reduce headaches. Talk to your doctor if you experience frequent or recurring headaches, which can be a sign of a medical issue. Learn more steps you can take on our Headaches page.
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Video Title: “We’re still comrades.” Army Veteran Describes His Systems of Support
Video Title: Vietnam Veterans’ Voices on Managing PTSD
Video Title: Admitting she needed support was the first step
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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Video Title: Sometimes it's more than a physical injury
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Video Title: Everything seems like a potential threat
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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Video Title: I don't know what would've happened without VA
Video Title: Coping with TBI to improve quality of life
Video Title: Army Veteran learns to manage TBI symptoms
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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Video Title: Triggers | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
Video Title: Ending the grip of nightmares and flashbacks
Video Title: A science class causes a flashback for Tim
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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Video Title: I believe we're all in this together
Video Title: Counseling for PTSD leads to a work-study program
Video Title: Army Veteran Encourages Others To “Be Vulnerable” in Order To Heal
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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Video Title: Recovering from flashbacks and nightmares
Video Title: Nightmares | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
Video Title: The first thing I noticed was nightmares
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If I’m having nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Anything's Possible
Video Title: “We’re stronger together.” Army Veteran Urges Women Veterans To Get Support
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Brenda found the support she needed to live well
Video Title: Gambling for the adrenaline rush
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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Video Title: “Each day was a new opportunity.” Veteran Reflects on Sobriety Journey
Video Title: I was carrying a heavy load
Video Title: Veteran strength to reach recovery
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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