I struggled to keep friends. My relationship with my family was pretty on and off, and I mean, my relationship with myself was awful, so trying to have a relationship with anybody else was, was rough.
My name is Tia. I was in the Army. I was a Telecommunications Transmission Systems Operator, and I joined in 2001. There was a lot of things that impacted my mental health while I was in the military, one of which being quite a bit of disrespect from male soldiers. While I was stationed in the Army, was very harsh on your body size. I was scrutinized in front of a lot of people about my weight, and I was put on the overweight program, even though I was severely fit. I even saw a nutritionist who told me that I was majority, like, a very healthy weight. Even to this day, it still kind of sticks with me that I need to be smaller, I need to be smaller. I need to be fitter. In everything I do, I worry about what I'm wearing. I'm worried about what people are gonna think about me. I've turned down opportunities to be on TV because I didn't want to be on camera. I miss out a lot because of it.
I ended up becoming a mom shortly after I got out of the military. Going from being a soldier to a stay-at-home mom, just taking care of kids and cooking and washing dishes and doing laundry definitely felt like something was missing. When I had my kids with me, I, you know, I tried to control it to where I wasn't putting them at risk, but alcohol was definitely my go-to in coping with my feelings before I sought treatment.
Some of the symptoms that I was experiencing was having nightmares. I had nightmares every night, I'd say the first 40 years of my life. I was extremely vigilant, constantly watching my back. Never felt like I could completely relax without the use of alcohol or even marijuana was a big one that I used a lot. Not trusting people, not feeling safe, always feeling like I was gonna be attacked at some point. I was ready to give up. I didn't wanna live anymore. I didn't wanna feel the things that were going on in my head. I knew that I wasn't living life to the fullest and pretty much made it to the point where it's either I get help or I'm, I'm not gonna make it.
I've gone several times to the Women's Center for mental health providers. They diagnosed me bipolar because of my symptoms, put me on medication for bipolar and anxiety and depression, and none of it helped because I hadn't dealt with the PTSD.
Through the VA and the Vet Center, I did a lot of talk therapy. When I spoke with them, it was because I had been in fight or flight mode for 40 years, and my brain was resting for the first time. All of the counselors are Vets, like they've all been through it, and it felt like talking to a friend.
I got into motorsports. For me, it's very therapeutic because it gives me, I think, the adrenaline that I had in the military that I absolutely loved. I like to play pool. I've been playing pool since I was a little kid with my dad. But just going from being where I was to where I'm at is, like, a journey I never pictured for myself. You know, being a race car driver, doing interviews for the news, podcasts, my main focus is just to help as many people as I can that might be suffering like I was. I try to tell people that it took me 40 years to get damaged. Who am I to think that I, in one month, I can fix it all?
