That was the point where it finally came together

Interviewee:

I really started going off the map. I really started coming out a lot more as far as my irritability, my anger. It was starting to get me into trouble. My subordinates were starting to become a little bit scared of me. I was doing things that were, to me everything was life and death. To my subordinates, it was like, “It's training and we're going to be okay,” but there was no in between for me.

I actually got into trouble. On January 24, 2004, I was in a dissociative state when I faced off with eight Lakeville Police Officers out here in Minnesota, and I thought that I was facing off with an armed combatant, one individual, only one. And when I finally started coming through and all this, I started realizing either I’ve lost my mind or something else is going on here or maybe all of the above. It was when I was in jail, actually, that my lawyer who was retained came and visited me and said, “Hector, there’s one to two things going on here. I’m willing to take your case, but I need to know which one you are. You’re either a person who needs help or you’re a criminal. Which are you?” “I’m not a criminal, sir.” “Yeah, but I’m asking you, are you a person that needs help or a criminal?” “I’m not a criminal, sir, and I don’t need help.” He was like, “No, Hector, you don’t get it. You’re either a criminal or you’re a person that needs help. Which is it?” So, he forced me to say I need help and it was the hardest words that I ever had spit out. At that point, it was just coming all out. I realized that I do need help and I’m able to say it. It wasn’t easy; it hurt, but that was the point where it finally came together. This is my Kairos moment. I need to change, something needs to change now.