Todd witnessed his friends' death while they were deployed together. When he finally came home, he was a different person. It seemed he had less in common with his new wife than either of them remembered, and he was often impatient with everyone and everything. Getting help at VA was the first step toward reclaiming his life.
View Video TranscriptTodd:
My name's Todd. I was in the Army National Guard for eleven years. I started in '98, got out in 2009. I was deployed in Bosnia and Kosovo in 2003 to 2004. And then I was deployed to Iraq from 2005 to 2007.
I was on a patrol with another Humvee. It was just us, our Bradley, and a Humvee. And we rolled past a checkpoint. We were in an area where there was some suspicious activity going on. So we went to check it out and we happened across a checkpoint after that was over and the Humvee behind me hit a — I think it was a 200-pound IED that was in propane tanks, buried pretty deep in the ground. And there was five people in that vehicle. Two ended up dying. One guy was a double amputee. The other two guys had a couple scratches and some concussions, but that was probably about the time where everything started for me, as far as changing my life and my way of thinking and when I did things.
Then I got home and it was weird because the excitement of just being home and not having to worry about each day, whether you’re going to still be around or not. So, the actual excitement of being home overtook everything for about, about eight months to almost a year. And then after that, you start feeling, you start recognizing, you start trying to deal with the changes that have been there the whole time. You just didn’t realize it until then.
It got to the point where my wife at the time and I, our values were different. We were never on the same page on anything. What was important to me before really wasn’t that important to me anymore, and what was important to me wasn’t really that important to her. She told me several times, she was like, “you know, I kind of like the old you,” and I said, “Well, that guy, he’s long gone.”
The hardest thing is accepting that you’re going to have to somehow adapt to that new guy. And a lot of times you don’t want to which is a lot of times you just resort to different things like anger and, yeah. It was a pretty tough, bumpy, bumpy road.
I just felt different about her, and about our life and about the things — like, I always knew I could still be a good dad. And I still am. But putting, 110% into your kids and then putting 20% into your marriage, well, that doesn’t work out so well. So, I guess I tried to just put it under, not deal with it. Just think to myself, “It’ll pass.” But she would continue to wanna to help in certain ways and I didn’t, I didn’t want it. And it got to the point where we basically just had nothing. It wasn’t even a marriage.
I was going through the divorce. We had separated out of the house. And kind of being there alone. Just being by yourself and just realizing, you’re like… It wasn’t until just recently, like, maybe back in February or March, that I wanted to go and get help and get some of the — I mean, that’s four years of being back and saying, “It’s no problem. It’ll go away.” Never does. It never goes away.
To better the future for your family and your kids and a future relationship, you have to find it within yourself to say, “It’s time.”
I went to the Vet center and I talked to a therapist there. Talking about stuff at the Vet center was really, really helpful. She found certain things that I need to just lay it all out on the table and one by one, you just kind of, sort of set it down. You just sort of put it down. You, you really dig inside yourself and say, “It’s going to be tough, but in order for me to get better, I need to drop some of this weight that you carry around.” The road is not easy, but I tell you, the end result — like, I can see it, you know what I mean? I can see myself in a much better position in life.
Like, once you start doing all that stuff, it’s just you’ve already dropped all that stress and all that anxiety about it. Even the fact of just getting help, being anxious about just getting the help itself.
As soon as you take that first step, it is a huge relief.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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