Learning to be around each other again
Tara:
When he came home, we quickly realized that it's not going to be easy. There definitely were moments where, like you said, “What did I sign up for? This is crazy. It's a very different path then all my friends are taking in their marriage right now.” I don't remember exactly what group it was through but there were some classes afterwards for couples, just relationships and we went to that. And that gave us a few things to think about. A lot of it too was just learning by experience, through him coming home on leave and then when he came home permanently, there were things that, as a now wife, I had to realize that I had to do to help him through this time and help both of us.
When he got home, not just instantly being like, “Okay, you got to start picking up the slack and you have to do this, this, and this.” And that’s what I heard from a lot of wives too but kind of that transition time where you have to just allow both of us to get used to be around each other again. It’s almost like you’re relearning each other’s habits and how you do life. I think a big part is just not having high expectations and not expecting that spouse or husband or dad to jump right back into the chores and doing things around the house because it’s a transition period and you really do need support.
There’s so many good programs and resources and groups that connect you to other wives; other family members going through it. And I just think that is priceless in this type of situation because not everyone knows what it’s like to have someone in danger every day and not being able to call that person.
