I was constantly looking for that adrenaline rush
David:
I was a thrill junkie. I was just constantly looking for that adrenaline rush that I experienced in Vietnam, living on the edge, coming back from the edge with that total anxiety and total adrenaline rush and your blood pumping as fast and as hard as it possibly could, and I just thrived for that to relive that feeling. In flying I took many, many chances and tried to bring the air craft to their limits and bring me to my limits to make sure that I could come back from those limits to safety and reality and quite occasionally put other people in jeopardy without thinking of that, that wasn't my goal, but it didn't matter.
It was tough because I tried to live two lives at home trying to raise a family, go to church and have a social life became very boring at times and I would do it because I was expected to do it and I was totally unsettled, totally unsettled totally angry and would look forward to the other life and getting back on the edge. It was tough to handle both.
After I got out of flying my other ambition in life was to be a bar/restaurant owner, so I bought a bar and it was a young crowd, it was a very violent place. We had lots of fights, lots of brawls, lots of thrown glasses and I was in my element, I loved it. It seemed normal for me and it just went along with everything I did so when I was at work I was okay, I was in my element and when I went home I was still very unsettled and unhappy. It was probably 20-25 years after Vietnam that the addiction was not slowing down as much as I kind of hoped it would. As I got older and the kids got older I knew that I was taking too many chances with other people and didn’t want to continue that. I found if I did want to get help, if I didn’t want some relief from what I was feeling I needed to talk about it. So, it gradually went from good to better.
