The loss of her leg and eyesight left Leslie feeling alone and angry. Hear how she responded to her negative feelings and found the resilience to move forward with her life and help other Veterans overcome similar challenges.
View Video TranscriptLeslie:
I'm Leslie. I served in the US Army, my last rank was captain and I served in Bosnia. When I got sick with a blood clot in my left leg that pretty much put everything to a complete top. It got so severe and bad that they retired me right there at Walter-Reed on the spot. Though the damage had already been done to my left leg and then on the upper parts of my legs I lost a lot of the tissue. They weren't able to save in time. My parents said the doctors told them at about 10 or 11 at night to say goodbye you know to your daughter, that she will not get through the night.
By a miracle and the grace of God and again I think my stubborn side, it wasn’t my time to go so I went into the surgery for the amputation and my mom said the first words that I said when I woke up I said “I used to be a cheerleader.” And she said she squeezed my hand and she said yes, but now you can be the coach. A few years after I had lost my leg I lost all of the site in my left eye from anther episode with internal bleeding and I got through that and then actually about a year ago I had another same exact episode or setback where it took pretty much all of the vision out of the right eye. So, I am now actually have been declared or noted as legally blind.
You don’t get a manual when you have an amputation. Being a female, I think it adds a whole new perspective of a level of I felt very ugly, I felt disfigured, I felt deformed. In fact, it was so bad that I wanted to never come out of the house and it was a battle for me to get over all of that and I finally decided then to say you are gonna have to change this thought process and I actually did reach out to the Vet center through the VA I found a whole new inner strength, a whole new fortitude that I didn’t even know that I had.
What I have found is even though unfortunate things have happened and I am not able to serve in the capacity of wearing the uniform that I found a new mission so that I was at least up and walking for when the first wave and for first group of injured soldiers were returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. And I would go down to the therapy room and I would see these guys lying on the mats in that initial stage of this shock and trauma of I have limbs missing and these traumatic injuries and I would walk up and I would be like “Hi I’m Leslie” and I would put my hand out and they would say, “No I don’t..I don’t need anything” or “I don’t …just go away” or whatever the case was and I would pull up my pant leg and I was like oh “no, no I am a soldier too, I am a solider too” and I would show them my prosthetic and in that split second, I mean it was this incredible connection because I remembered feeling so alone initially when I lost my leg.
I felt that there were no other amputees in the world, no one could even begin to understand what I was going through at all, couldn’t even come close, but that’s not the case because we do have each other to lean on and I have found even from talking to other Veterans once I did start coming out and about they helped me. And it’s that domino effect of somebody helps you, you want to turn around and help someone else. There are so many different feelings, emotions, you have anger, you know sadness, you cry, you want to scream, you want to throw things, you don’t understand. You almost have to ask yourself the question do I want to be the victim and just roll over and give up and say that’s it or do I want to try to make the best of the situation and turn it around for the good for the good of helping somebody else. Once you challenge yourself with that and you have that more less that belief and faith in yourself again things do turn around and I still see my counselor and still to this day I thank him all of the time. I’m like if it were not for you I honestly don’t think I would be as positive or as readjusted maybe that is a good word to as to where I’m at today.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are a Veteran or know a Veteran who is feeling hopeless or having thoughts of suicide, talk to someone right away. Consider sharing what you're feeling and thinking with your family, friends, or health care provider. In addition, you can call the Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988 and then Press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net, or send a text to 838255. The Veterans Crisis Line offers free, confidential support, 24/7. Learn more steps you can take on our Feelings of Hopelessness page.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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If you are experiencing headaches, try to rest with your eyes closed and head supported. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly without skipping meals, staying hydrated, and maintaining good posture are simple lifestyle changes that can help you avoid or reduce headaches. Talk to your doctor if you experience frequent or recurring headaches, which can be a sign of a medical issue. Learn more steps you can take on our Headaches page.
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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Dizziness
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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If I’m having nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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