Letting go of those feelings of guilt

Stan:

After I got injured, there was a young kid, his name was Dixon, and he was my right hand, you know, and I always felt that without me, you know, he is going to fall apart. And it was amazing, well it wasn't amazing, but it was incredible. I was talking to my wife about Dixon and I said, I am so afraid about what's going to happen to him, and I think it was a week later that I got a call that they were on patrol, and he got shot and he passed away on the helicopter.

So, I was blown away, I was like I couldn’t believe it you know. I was so afraid of what would happen to him. And it wasn’t my fault, you know, there was nothing I could have done, but I felt so bad like it was my fault that I wasn’t there to protect him. For a while of course I had to work through that, you know, that it wasn’t my fault that he got hurt and things like that. I know it wasn’t my fault, but it doesn’t make you feel any better.

Any wounded Veteran, I would say would always tell you, that they wanted to go back. We were leaving our team and that wasn’t acceptable, you know. We wanted to get back in there. So, over and over they told you, you got hurt, you needed to come back that was what you were supposed to do. For a while you really are at odds with that feeling, but after a while you really do realize that you know “I was hurt, what would I have done had I stayed there?” I mean, I was injured, I needed to be treated so, it did take a while to get that feeling of obligation to go away.