Roger was proud of his service in Vietnam but faced a hostile reception at home. He kept his feelings and military past hidden, but certain situations triggered strong emotions. He didn't think anything would change. After going to VA for primary care, he discovered counseling services that made a difference and helped him turn his life around.
View Video TranscriptRoger:
My name is Roger. I'm an Air Force Veteran. I was in service for three and half active, two and a half reserve.
Roger:
I was an aircraft load master. I was responsible for weight and balance, loading, unloading, air drops on cargo airplanes.
Roger:
A lot sticks with me. I mean there's certainly some very stark moments. Particularly, when I got hit, traveling into Khe Sanh when no one else was being allowed to fly in.
Roger:
You know I wasn't angry. I was proud of what I did. I was angry at the reception that I got.
Roger:
When I was coming back, I got spit on in San Francisco in full uniform.
Roger:
I'm walking off the plane, my mother's there, my wife to be is there, and I'm being protested on the ramp. So, it's kind of one of those things that you put yourself into a kind of a different zone. So, it's around you but you try not to recognize it. You try not to let it affect you. Similar to what you're doing in a combat situation.
Roger:
I went back to school in the Fall of 69' which was just an ugly time to go school. It was an even uglier time to be a Vet. I spend most of my time really not presenting myself as a Veteran, let my hair grow long, tried to get through classes, tried to stay away from other groups that were speaking their mind.
Roger:
And so a lot of it you kept inside and then after while stayed inside.
Roger:
And I've had a couple of experiences where it's come up pretty ugly. I was a ski patrolman. I had an individual hit a tree and die and it took me about 4 days to put myself together after that, because some of the stuff I did over seas was moving wounded.
Roger:
So, you try to suppress some of those things and all of sudden they kind of fall out of the back closet. And you go back to drinking, go back to whatever you can think of to try to bury them again.
Roger:
I had sleep issues. I certainly had anxiety issues. At that point. I'm not sure anybody really knew what it was. So a lot of times I attributed it to, well that must be life and didn't put a whole big emphasis on it.
Roger:
There are days that I still had nightmares and I just thought that was what everybody else has. Only mine were a little bit more graphic.
Roger:
I dealt with them by myself, which made it even more probably more difficult as I look back, because the more I dealt with it, the more I turned not necessarily inside myself, but the more I walled myself. So, I wouldn't let this out and the more I tried to put on a facade that everything was good.
Roger:
I really didn't have any involvement with the VA for 20 years.
Roger:
I came out of the war even with being wounded in really pretty good shape. So I wasn't needing medical treatment, I wasn't needing that kind of stuff.
Roger:
Once I got to the VA and got to talking to people, a lot of it allowed me to go back and tried to put some things together.
Roger:
I got involved with primary care and they recommended some counseling. So, I spent about a year and a half, while I was still working, going through counseling, both group and individual and part of it was learning some of the triggers that set me off. And then as I say, that's when I decided to look back on how I treated my family and friends and gained a little bit of understanding of what was going on.
Roger:
And so, it allowed me to make some really big changes, become much more relaxed with who I was.
Roger:
One of the things in therapy, what is really probably particularly in the group was just a chance to talk and express yourself. There's kind of somewhat of that reassurance that “Hey, I'm not the only one in this spot.”
Roger:
The people that I've talked to and worked with is they are most thankful that someone is standing beside them. That not only is willing to help, but also understands them.
Roger:
You have to go and seek out somebody. Whether it's someone in the VA... go register and say “Hey, I need help.” Or any number of the phone numbers online.
Roger:
That's really the critical part to have someone that you will talk to and trust and then take a step forward.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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