Finding strength in family support

John:

I don't think my kids knew what to do at first. I know I got angry all the time, I got drunk. I would be screaming in my sleep, but they handled it by, you know trying to make sure like if we went out somewhere, and huge crowds still to this day, I can't stand huge crowds and they let me know it's okay. they let me know I don't have to do certain things, and they really try. They've learned more about my problems and they try. You know, they have a good understanding, and they tell me, "Well, you know with everything that you guys went through" and throughout all the years I was in, to me they're more accepting of it than I am for myself.

I don’t see, and this is something I've talked to the other guys about too, that I have any right to, to have the problems I have. I see kids and I saw kids over there that went through hell. I mean, we all went through hell, but that I thought went through worse. They were in firefights all the time, they were, some of these kids came back double amputees. So, what right do I have to even you know be feeling this way you know, and like I said my kids are more accepting of that than what I am, I deal with it but it still pops in my head so, I'm amazed at how well, it's still hard for my kids you know but they deal with it, and I'm sorry that they have to.

I'm sorry that my moods are all over the place and it is kind of funny that, that you know my kids tease me every now and then because my daughter says sometimes you know, I'm like okay what the hell's going on because I just get lost. They know that I may wake up in the morning one way, within an hour I'm another way. Am I going to be coherent today, am I going to be floating all over the place, I don’t know. Sometimes I go that way all day long, floating in the morning, you know, next time someone talks to me it sounds like there's nothing wrong. The next time they talk to me nobody can understand me. My kids deal with that.