When Matt was in the Navy, he was physically and sexually assaulted. He began drinking heavily. When he left the military, he had feelings of guilt and isolated himself. He decided to seek support at VA and began PTSD treatment. Eventually, he opened up about the military sexual trauma he experienced and with help was able to turn his life around.
View Video TranscriptMatthew:
My name is Matthew. I served in the U.S. Navy between 1991 and 1996. I worked in the Seabees as a Construction Worker. We built a lot of buildings on bases. We also did a lot of work out in communities. I was assigned a battalion. As I was on my way up to my room, a couple gentleman asked if I wanted to hang out that night and I thought “This is cool, I don't really know anybody, this will be a chance to get to know somebody.” Well, it turned out that they were planning a hazing-type event, and it just turned into more than that. There was a lot of drinking involved. There was a hazing incident where they indoctrinated me into the battalion, but then also later on there I was held hostage, I was beaten, and I was raped.
After that, my thoughts with starting a new career and all the excitement was gone. I didn’t know quite what to do because I knew if I would say something, it would definitely end my career as I knew it. So, I held onto a lot of what happened. But I did eventually, through stress, I reported the hazing incident to the battalion, and when I did that, the gentleman was disciplined. I struggled for a long time while in the Service, trying to deal with what happened. I got myself into a lot of trouble. I self-medicated quite a bit with alcohol. But once I did leave the Military, I thought leaving the Military was going to solve all my problems. But of course that’s not what happened.
I continued living the way I was in the Military, trying to deal with these issues through drinking and that kind of thing. The problem was is I lost all trust in people. It was very hard for me to connect with people. That deteriorated all my relationships. Guilt, I had a very hard time with guilt. I was isolated in my parent’s basement. I had no contact with people, hardly any with my parents. So, in a way this did protect me from being victimized again. But it did horrible things to my life. I wasn’t able to leave my home.
I got to a point in my life where I decided that I had to do something different. I thought about suicide. I thought about what I really wanted in my life, and I decided that I was going to give the VA a try and try to push through these issues. So, that’s when I got out in 1996 and about 2000 I started actively seeking help. I saw a VA Psychologist and there was no way I was gonna talk about my military sexual trauma, but he did recognize symptoms of PTSD and that’s where I really started working on myself. I did have some shortfalls and it was very hard at the beginning, but once I started believing that these people were trying to help me and I started trusting them, that’s when things really started to look up for me.
What I love about individual counseling now is I work with a gentleman, he’s a Doctor, Psychologist. He’s also encouraged me so much to grow in my life. I think I did a lot of great work in the psychotherapy groups. You make goals and you commit to goals and you’re kind of held responsible by the rest of the group. I was able to talk about these Military, this Military sexual trauma. And, not only that, I was able to work with those issues, which was extremely hard because I’d spent so many years trying to suppress these thoughts and emotions. It was a feeling of relief. It was also a feeling of “This happened to me, but it doesn’t define me.” For a long time, I thought of myself of three things, a Military Veteran, someone that had been… that had suffered a Military sexual trauma, and someone that was diagnosed with PTSD. But, once I started working with this and accepted this, I started to think of myself outside the box, and a lot larger than I ever had before. Now I’m in school, studying to be a Social Worker. I’m married, I own a home. I’m very satisfied with my life and I’m happy. I am so happy that I went to the VA and got some help.
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