Marianne served in the Air Force, and her husband, Tom, served in the Army. Decades after his time in Korea, Tom still had nightmares. He began group therapy at VA. Support has helped Tom manage his PTSD symptoms, benefiting his family. Marianne encourages other Veterans and spouses to take advantage of resources that can make a difference.
View Video TranscriptMarianne:
My name is Marianne. I am an Air Force Veteran and I'm married to a Korean War Veteran. My father was military. My son is military. I have a granddaughter that served, and I just enjoy being with the Veterans. I love listening to their stories. I joined the Air Force at 18 because I wanted to see the world. I was stationed up in Stewart Air Force Base, Newburgh, New York which was only a state away from Pennsylvania, so I didn't get to see much of the world.
When I met Tom, I had been a widow for 20 years, and a friend of mine at work said, I want to introduce you to this fella. And I wasn’t interested, and she kept insisting, and I said, okay, I’ll meet him. Well, I liked him immediately. We’ve been married a long time. It’s only been 15 years but it seems like a long time.
When we first got married, he could not go to a military film, or to see the movie, or he could not watch military. And he would have nightmares. He still had nightmares. If you would try to touch him in the middle of the night or something, he just reacted, and he still is very emotional about it. After all these years it has to be pretty deep.
On Thursday’s he goes to the VA for the post-traumatic stress group meetings and he meets with other Korean War Veterans and when he goes up there it makes a big difference. They talk to each other and it’s just like he’s with old friends and I get to talk to the fellas and it just really helps him. I can see the difference. When he comes home, he’s just so much more relaxed.
They recommended that he see a Psychiatrist at the VA and then they mentioned they have these group meetings and that’s when he started going. I found when they get together and they talk to each other, it really helps them, and then they can see they aren’t the only ones that are getting help. He stopped having so many nightmares. He’ll still have nightmares but not as frequently, so it has made a difference for him.
I think their experience makes them stronger. The advice I would give to a military spouse would may be to, find help herself to try to understand what they are going through and maybe then the Veteran would also be more willing to try to get help.
I think just talking about it and that seems to be the big part, getting somebody to talk to. I think just the idea of maybe reaching out to other Veterans. It’s really helpful ‘cause I know what it’s done for us and it’s really helpful.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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