Yanett's husband, Anthony, is a Veteran. He used to drink heavily and get angry. He didn't like to go out or visit new places, and was often on edge. By doing research, she learned about some of the challenges Veterans may face. Yanett noticed positive changes in Anthony after he got VA support. Now, she urges others to seek support as well.
View Video TranscriptYanett:
My name is Yanett, I'm married to Anthony. He served in the Army in Iraq and in Kosovo. Kind of funny, I did meet him at his sister's baby shower. I knew he was in the service because he told me that he had just gotten out, and he didn't really talk about it as much, like, he's just—I mean, he told me he was in Iraq and he went to Kosovo but mainly he was in Germany. He talked a lot more about Germany than anything. At the beginning of our relationship he did drink a lot. I mean, I was used to, like, being around people who would drink a lot, so it wasn't a big deal at first, I was like “Whatever,” but what I did notice is he would get angry.
I’m a very social person, like, love going out, love having lots of friend and socializing and he kind of was, like, backed away from going out. He finally one day just told me, like, “I don’t like going to new places or couldn’t find places,” he’s, like, “It just makes me nervous,” and like, I had it in the back of my head, the whole “He just got out of the Army,” but I just didn’t really know, and then that’s when he started telling me that any place we’d go, he’s always looking for an exit, where the exits are located and always knows what’s going on around him, and I finally asked him, I was, like, “Have you ever gone to talk to anybody about what’s going on?” And he said, “I’ve tried but it didn’t help.” He goes “I’m not going to do it.”
To me I thought it was just, like, the macho guy, like “I’m not going to do it, I don’t need help.” He's like “I can deal with it.” And I said “Well, maybe you should,” I said, “Maybe they can help you.” That’s when I started, like, researching how Veterans act or why are they acting like this and I kind of would see, maybe. Then I just started seeing, like maybe they start reacting different because of what’s happened, so it started making sense to me, like, why he is the way he is, like, not wanting to go out, not wanting to do anything because that’s his safe place, the house, like, because that’s his area and he knows nothing is going to happen, and so I started understanding, like, that was his comfort zone and the unfamiliar was what made him, like, really nervous, so I stopped pushing.
He started talking to his friends from his unit and seeing how they were and they started talking to him. One day this year he started saying “I’m going to go to the VA,” and I’m like “Awesome!” I was like, “Go for it.” I see that him going to the VA and talking to other people and they’re just talking and he goes, “You know, I don’t mind going,” because it’s letting him talk about things and he goes, some things that he forgot that he’s starting to come back up. I do see him becoming more at ease with going out and more willing to stay somewhere not more than more than five minutes.
With a spouse, I mean, my thing is I was just, like, don’t push it as much because I feel like the more I would push it the more he would just be, like, “No,” but I mean, I would hint, I would say, like, “Hey, like, maybe you should check it out,” or, like, “You know, hey, I was on a website just because I was curious and just, like, look at what I found and give it a chance,” I’m like, “And you’ll see that there are so many other people who are going through what you’re going through.”
It helps. I see it helping him and it never hurts to try. Just that’s my thing is just, at least push it to where at least they try to go and reach out for help, because then they’ll see other people that will be able to help them too.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are feeling on edge, breathe deeply. Try grounding yourself by focusing on your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, like the feeling of your feet on the floor. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you find treatment that is right for you, so turn to them whenever you are ready. Learn more steps you can take on our Feeling on Edge page.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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If you are experiencing eating problems, find healthy ways to manage stress, such as taking a walk, going for a run, practicing relaxation exercises like deep breathing or meditation, or doing something nice for yourself like watching a movie or reading. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Eating Problems page.
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If you are experiencing headaches, try to rest with your eyes closed and head supported. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly without skipping meals, staying hydrated, and maintaining good posture are simple lifestyle changes that can help you avoid or reduce headaches. Talk to your doctor if you experience frequent or recurring headaches, which can be a sign of a medical issue. Learn more steps you can take on our Headaches page.
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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If I’m having nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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