Robert talks about how, as a medic, he felt extreme guilt over not being able to save one of his buddies who had a drug addiction and overdosed. His inability to help made him feel worthless and hopeless—he even questioned the sense of going on.
View Video TranscriptRobert:
The reality of me being in the service and the fact that I knew that I had failed myself as a Corpsman as you, you know, you pledged to serve your country, you know 24/7 and then I have failed myself as far as I was concerned in not being the best soldier that I could be. Then at the same time, I also failed my family because my father had been a military man. He had always told me, when you serve, you serve 100%. Don’t come back any less than that. And I felt like once I had gotten caught and I was trying to save one of my Corpsmen, a fellow Airman who had OD outside the base and they had, some of the other soldiers had said to leave him there, but I had been trained as medic. I couldn’t leave him there in an alley in the Philippines and I decided that I was going to do my best to keep him alive and one of the soldiers said, man, you going to get busted. You know ,when the MPs come, they going take you too. And that’s what happened. When I finally, the MPs got there and the ambulance got there and he got back to the hospital, he died because he was too far gone, but you know, I got busted, but at the same time, that was my job as a soldier to save Corpsmen, Airmen and when I failed him along with those other soldiers who were coming back, I felt like I was useless. You know, what was I doing here? You know, as far as I was concerned, I was going to die too. I didn’t want to live. It was a sense of hopelessness for me because I failed in my mission.
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