Sheri’s husband, Micheal, deployed to South Korea and Iraq. Managing the household while he was away was stressful. When he came home, their relationship was strained. He was distant and closed-off. Through individual and marriage counseling, Sheri and Micheal strengthened their relationship and are now living more fulfilling lives.
View Video TranscriptSheri:
My name is Sheri, and I'm married to a Army combat Vet. I am an Army Veteran and my husband and I both, we met together in Fort Benning, Georgia. I was stationed there as a medic and he was infantry and we actually lived right down the hallway from each other in the barracks, so that's how we met. While we were together prior to getting married he was in Korea and he came home mid-tour, we got married and then he went back for another six months and then we were reassigned to Fort Campbell and that's where he deployed to Iraq.
The service member that’s deployed, they’re in a much more hectic environment obviously. More stressful and more life threatening than the family members, spouses that are back home, but there’s having to be the sole person back home having to take care of the household, finances, children and still stay strong for yourself and for your family. I don’t know if they quite understand that.
His arrival home didn’t go the way that we wanted it to. I was not informed when he actually was going to arrive, so I wasn’t prepared for it, so by the time I actually got to pick him up it was the middle of the night and he was left there alone, and so from that point on, our relationship was kind of stressful and on edge. I had gone through my own issues as a Veteran myself. Trying to work with depression and anxiety within myself and then on top of him coming home and having held everything in for so long and not wanting to share his experiences, he just became very distant and very closed off. He was always so rigid and just seemed cold, and it just kind of built over the years and then I think we just at that point had gotten so far apart from each other he started to seek that companionship at work and I really didn’t have anyone to go to. I would talk to my coworkers.
We got plugged into a marriage counseling plus individual counseling. So, we’re kind of attacking it from every direction that we can. Spouses need to try to understand that the Veteran has been through something and more than likely they’re not going to talk about it with you because they want to protect you. Just kind of maybe try to make them aware that they need help, like, as a spouse, try to explain to the Veteran or the person you think needs help what you’ve seen and witnessed. Get on the internet and research, talk to other people, other Veterans, other spouses, seek out support groups. If it's medication that you need to help don’t be ashamed to try whatever you need to try to try and get you through it.
My husband’s — since he started going to counseling, he’s actually gotten more involved with volunteering for PTSD groups and therapy and it’s really surprised me. He is more compassionate, more at ease and relaxed and more able to kind of voice if he’s feeling something. I think it’s very important to not try to withdraw or keep everything in. Don’t feel ashamed to ask for help. There are a lot of resources out there that you have no idea that are out there.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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