Rich lost one of his buddies while serving in Iraq. When he left the Army, adjusting to civilian life was challenging. His marriage was in trouble, and he started drinking. Rich was irritable and felt on edge. When other Veterans urged him to find positive ways to cope, he went to VA and began counseling that helped him turn his life around.
View Video TranscriptRich:
My name is Rich, I came on active duty in the US Army in May 2001, got assigned to the 82nd Airborne division shortly after September 11. I was assigned to 3rd battalion, 325th airborne infantry regiment and I was a chemical officer. There were a couple of incidents in Iraq one where one of our guys lost both of his legs and his left arm below the elbow and another one of our guys was mortally wounded and we lost him. For a long time I blamed myself for his death.
I really didn’t want to get out of the Army. My ex-wife didn’t jive well with the Army and with the Army environment so she kind of influenced me to get out. Her home of record was Pennsylvania. So I went to Pennsylvania. I started working various jobs. I worked at the military school where I got commissioned out of which was a great experience, but she was never really happy with anything and I think that period of instability for me kind of fueled the fire.
I didn’t adjust well. Whether it was going to the mall and being in crowds or being in a movie theatre that was 80% full or being in a restaurant where I had to sit with my back to the wall. It was during that time that it was towards the tail end of my first marriage where I started drinking heavily. Sleep definitely impacted the frequency of my alcohol consumption. Driving down 128 going to work, driving under an overpass you go right back to it. You seem some garbage on the side of the road you don’t know is that an IUD. I had a couple of brushes with law enforcement. I had been pulled over and had me dismount my vehicle and he sat down and talked with me for about a half hour to 45 minutes and said “Look, you know I was in the service, I understand what is going on, but you need to, this is it, this is your sign right here.”
I just had a moment of clarity one day and I got roped into a bunch of veteran’s organizations and in my home town the predominant members of those organizations were Vietnam Vets and they identified what was happening in me with what had happened to them when they came home from Vietnam and a couple of them I was very lucky engaged me, pulled me aside and said “Hey look, we know what you are doing, we have been there, we have done it, we know where you are coming from. We are not telling you how to live your life but based off of our lessons learned you need to re-evaluate and re-assess what you are doing.”
I did, and I stopped drinking and got help. In ramping up to my second marriage my wife and I engaged a counseling element in the VA health care system. We were very lucky and we met a fantastic woman named Grace and it just worked. She compartmentalized everything. You know the disassociation from the isolation, the numbness. She broke things down and then explained them and kind of took in what I told her, then she turned it round and fired it back at me at said “Check this out. This is what you just told me, this is what you need to shoot for and these are milestones that you can set in between to get you from point A to point B.”
The interesting thing with couples counseling is simultaneously when she is giving me this guidance I am hearing my wife’s take on things and it helps to kind of close the gap and sync things up. It has been tremendous. It really works.
I had a veteran in my hometown who was a case on with the Marine Corp and he said to me what did it for him was he realized one day that he was dishonoring the memory of the Marines that he had fought along side of and that the best thing that he could do was to live his life as best as he could for the life that they couldn’t live anymore.
So the best thing that I can do is talk to others and impart what I know and what my experience was to just illustrate the fact that there is always a way out. The sooner you get on it, and get after it and learn how to manage it you know the better off you are going to be.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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