From a self-described “happy kid” to a determined Marine - Bryan returned home thinking he’d forever lost the ability to feel. Hear him tell how he overcame IEDs, posttraumatic stress, and the unique challenges of a long-distance romance. Bryan got his life on a better track with help from VA.
View Video TranscriptBrian:
My name is Brian Escobedo. I was born and raised here in Houston, Texas. I spent five years in the Marine Corps, and I got out as a Sergeant with three tours in Iraq. Rebecca and I met online and I was on my first deployment.
Rebecca:
We wrote every single day and he was stuck on a ship. He would have to wait in line for like an hour just to write to me for five minutes.
Brian:
She really is my best friend in the world, and she knew me when I went through my hardest time and she stood by my side.
Thank you, Lord, for this delicious breakfast we’re about to have and let us have a wonderful day, Amen.
I wanted to be in the military since I was a kid. Since the first episode of GI Joe, I wanted to do that. That’s what I wanted.
Myra:
Brian is my baby. He's my son. He was happy and free-spirited.
Rebecca:
When I first met him, he was a different Brian to the one I know now.
Brian:
Everybody knew me as just the happiest dude. Even in the Marine Corps I was always the funny dude making everybody laugh. But there was a time where there was just no laughing.
Rebecca:
In the war zone he had a different mind frame and he just kind of forced himself to become desensitized to a lot of things so that he could cope and do his job.
Brian:
On my second deployment I got hit three times. Four bombs hit my vehicle. This is what I was wearing when I got blown up and that's my blood from the IED, from my face. Yeah, that was nuts. In order for me to survive in that environment, under those extreme emotional conditions where I was just living in fear, living with anxiety I had to go emotionally numb.
Rebecca:
Unfortunately, when he returned it all kind of came out and was on top of him.
Brian:
I didn't realize how messed up I was until I got back to America. I started having pretty horrible nightmares and I couldn't focus on anything. I was having constant flashbacks. The whole time I was awake I was miserable. I was angry.
Rebecca:
I found that we were fighting more, and I was thinking, “We don't get to see each other often, why are we fighting?”
Brian:
I couldn't feel any excitement about life, nothing. I stopped listening to music. I stopped talking so much to my friends. I isolated myself. I would just stay in the room all day and just drink and drink and drink and drink and I didn't know why.
Rebecca:
He tried hard not to shut off from me, but he was shut off.
Brian:
I knew I had PTSD, but I didn't know that I would be scared to drive on a simple American road. You become suspicious of everything like, mountains of trash, dead animals. You are expecting everything to be booby trapped and when you start thinking like that everything seems like a threat in your environment. It kind of makes you go nuts.
As military people you find it very difficult to admit your own weaknesses cause that’s completely contrary to the military philosophy. So, when you have PTSD, or you have anything like that or any sort of emotional stress you just suck it up.
Rebecca:
I didn't know about PTSD so it never even occurred to me that there was something affecting him that was out of his control.
Brian:
Rebecca encouraged me to get help. My brother encouraged me to get help. He had been to war already so he could recognize all the stuff that he went through.
I actually moved in with my brother when I got back from the Marine Corps and he understood me really well and he was very patient with me. I was isolating myself and all the typical things that people with PTSD do and he helped me out.
Eric:
I didn't want my mom to see how different her sons had become throughout the years. She worries enough and she has an image of what we were and I didn't want her to see one of us freak out, just have a PTSD moment because it happens.
Interviewee:
There's a sadness there. There's something that was lost but what I have is a hope that somehow it will get better.
Brian:
I've been to one-on-one psychologists at the VA. I've been to multiple different forms of therapy. You have to surround yourself with good people that want to see you do better and you have to take advantage of programs they have at the VA or the nonprofit organizations that are there to help Veterans out.
Rebecca:
There is so much more help and understanding then you'd even realize but you have to get off your butt and you have to go seek it.
Brian:
I forgot that there was good in the world and every time I saw Rebecca it brought it back. It was like, “Oh, this is the reason I'm going to live. This is the reason that I shouldn't do anything crazy to myself.” It just starts with saying, “You know what, I want to fix this.” It takes a lot of courage to go against that military training that you have to admit that there's something that's broken inside you, you need to fix it. That's the very first step.
Rebecca:
Even if it's just a friend or a family member or just a hotline, do something.
Brian:
It all starts with going to the VA and there's a whole community of Veterans that just want to help you out. People that have been in your same shoes that know what you're going through, that have already overcome this. Just reach your hand out and connect to somebody else that knows what you're going through and knows how to help you. That's all it takes.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are feeling on edge, breathe deeply. Try grounding yourself by focusing on your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, like the feeling of your feet on the floor. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you find treatment that is right for you, so turn to them whenever you are ready. Learn more steps you can take on our Feeling on Edge page.
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If you are a Veteran or know a Veteran who is feeling hopeless or having thoughts of suicide, talk to someone right away. Consider sharing what you're feeling and thinking with your family, friends, or health care provider. In addition, you can call the Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988 and then Press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net, or send a text to 838255. The Veterans Crisis Line offers free, confidential support, 24/7. Learn more steps you can take on our Feelings of Hopelessness page.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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If you are experiencing eating problems, find healthy ways to manage stress, such as taking a walk, going for a run, practicing relaxation exercises like deep breathing or meditation, or doing something nice for yourself like watching a movie or reading. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Eating Problems page.
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If you are experiencing headaches, try to rest with your eyes closed and head supported. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly without skipping meals, staying hydrated, and maintaining good posture are simple lifestyle changes that can help you avoid or reduce headaches. Talk to your doctor if you experience frequent or recurring headaches, which can be a sign of a medical issue. Learn more steps you can take on our Headaches page.
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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Cognitive Symptoms
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Video Title: Sometimes it's more than a physical injury
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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Difficulty Concentrating
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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Dizziness
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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Video Title: Triggers | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
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If I’m experiencing a flashback, what can I do about it right away?
A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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Video Title: I believe we're all in this together
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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Video Title: Recovering from flashbacks and nightmares
Video Title: Nightmares | Signs of a Mental Health Challenge
Video Title: The first thing I noticed was nightmares
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If I’m having nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Anything's Possible
Video Title: “We’re stronger together.” Army Veteran Urges Women Veterans To Get Support
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Brenda found the support she needed to live well
Video Title: Gambling for the adrenaline rush
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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Video Title: I was carrying a heavy load
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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