Marie’s Army squad leader was killed in Iraq, and the pace of combat forced her to move on too quickly. At home, she had nightmares and was on edge, but she bottled up her feelings. When her physical health started to suffer, she reached out for support. Opening up to others during VA group therapy helped Marie turn her life around.
View Video TranscriptMarie:
My name is Marie, and I joined the Army when I was 18 years old. I served from 2000 to 2009. I was deployed for OIF 1 and 2 to Iraq in 2003, 2004. We were right at the very beginning of the Iraq War. There wasn't even service routes established, and one of the biggest things that happened there was my squad leader was killed, and I kind of — I looked up to him, so losing him was crazy.
I remember the day it happened, it was, like, giant explosion, everybody scrambling around, and then it was okay, back to your work. You just kind of pushed it out of your brain at the time because you had so much else going on. You’re, like, oh, I’ve got to get ready for my next mission, I’ve got to do this that and the other thing, so you didn’t really even think about it or process it at the time at all.
When it really started to creep up on me was after we got home. I’m a very, very social person by nature, and so almost it was, like, for me a survival tactic of coping with life was kind of just always be out and about with people so that I wouldn’t think about stuff, and I was doing all this stuff and there was still this aspect of being really lonely, because for the longest time I really, really missed my unit, and the people that I knew had been through the exact same things as me, and then as the months started going by then it was like my brain suddenly started remembering all this stuff.
The biggest thing I noticed first was nightmares, just horrible ones, to the point where if I was dreaming that I was in physical pain I would wake up with that physical pain, and then, yeah, just being very paranoid of loud noises. Mostly I just didn’t talk about it to anybody. I’d just tell them surface stuff, like, oh, you know, this one time there was this — a really bad sandstorm, or I’d talk about the stuff but none of the really serious issues. I just got to the point where my insomnia and my nightmares were just slowly killing me and kind of feeling like, oh, there’s nothing left for me in the world, kind of that really dismal mentality, and I started getting really, really sick. I went from being able to run 20 miles, I’m a distance runner, to not even being able to run two.
One day I was, like, I’m just going to go down and get registered with the VA, get in the system. For me, what was the most effective was finding—signing up for group therapy. That I actually liked and enjoyed because I could meet up with other Vets who were in massive pain like me and then I didn’t feel like it was just me dealing with my issues, it was hey, we are all dealing with these issues. I feel like I’ve been on an uphill swing now for a while, which has been amazing.
I am super thankful that I did end up having the willpower to see through it and get the treatment that I needed. Because of that my physical health has greatly improved, and it’s so much easier to manage your illnesses if you’re actually willing to confront them and say, “Yes, I have this and I need to go find treatment, I need to figure out what medication works for me and just do the footwork, no matter how hard it is.”
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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