Kelly felt angry after her service in the Marines, but she knew that she had to change when this aggression began to affect her relationship with her daughter. Since Kelly worked through her problems with a group of fellow women Veterans, she and her daughter are leading happier lives.
View Video TranscriptKelly:
My name is Kelly, and I served in the United States Marine Corps. I completed two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. I was an intelligence specialist and then when I was stationed in Omaha, Nebraska I actually did nuclear targeting at the Air Force base. When I first got to MOS school I was in a class every day, came back from Christmas break and the Marine that sat next to me wasn't there, and nobody could find him, and it ended up being that a Navy personnel on the base had murdered him. I had been in the Marine Corps for six months, that it molded me to believe that it was always going to happen, I was always going to lose people. I had an anger issue from that point and that's how I dealt with my feelings. Instead of mourning a death I expressed it as anger. Over the years it was everything that I couldn't control in my life, I reacted in anger and I became very much OCD. I had to control every aspect of my life.
I came home from Afghanistan and I’ll never forget it. It was about 5:30 in the morning, I had my daughter in the back seat and I was taking her to daycare so I could get to work. We got in and I pulled out of the garage and I had told her to put her seat belt on and she couldn't get it buckled, and I had gotten so angry that I put the car, I slammed it in park and I got out and I snapped her seatbelt in, and it wasn't until I got to the stop sign and I looked in the rearview mirror and she had her head down and she was crying, and I just I looked at her and I said, “What's wrong with you?” And she said, “I'm sorry that I made you so angry, I just couldn't see.” And it was at that point I knew my actions and how I was dealing with things were affecting her, and that's when I knew I really needed to do something to not be so angry, because I didn't want to hurt her.
I called the clinic and asked to see mental health, and I went back and I had spent six weeks with a counselor and throughout the time every week that I saw him he said, “I think you should go to group therapy, I think you should go to group therapy,” every time. I just gave in. “Fine, I’ll go once, but I’m not going to promise that I’m going to sit through all of it.” And it was a women’s group for individuals who had gone through trauma, for active duty women, and I had went and I just kind of sat, and so I went back a second week just to see, give it a little bit more of a chance, and it turned out to be the best decision that I had ever made.
Being around other people who want to better themselves pushes you to want to be a better person and work through your issues, so they have been definitely my saving grace. I’ve come out a happier person and it reflects in the way that my daughter is now, because now she has a happier life because her mom is happy, and I have the tools that I’ve learned through therapy to be able to help guide her into being a better person as well.
Whether you have a mental health issue or not, I like to think of counselors as a life coach. Someone to help guide you through life. The first thing you try may not work for you, you know, the first individual that you go and say “I need help” may not be the person that you feel truly connected with, that can help you, but once you find that person you always feel so much better. I think that it’s very important for people to seek help even if they feel like they don’t need it, because you never know how great you can feel once you’ve talked through all your trauma.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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