Under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, Ryan wasn’t able to be fully himself. This led to depression, stress, and substance use. Once Ryan left the Army, he opened up to his friends and VA providers, who gave him the tools to manage depression and anxiety. With support from his family members and friends, Ryan now enjoys life after the military.
View Video TranscriptRyan:
My name is Ryan. I served three years in the United States Army, regular Army. Fort Sill, Oklahoma for three years, from 1997 to 2000. I served under Don't Ask, Don't Tell and I wasn't out technically when I got in. I signed, when I was 17, so turned 18 when I was in the military, and actually came out in the military. It was something you didn't discuss. It was still a little hard, not being able to be open and honest with the people I was working with.
Some of the issues I dealt with, probably before I got out of the military, I noticed, I had gone through some periods of depression, anxiety, I would just notice changes in my own behavior, not doing things that I would typically know to do. Sleeping a lot, just agitated, drinking more, using substances. I don’t recall looking for any sort of support or help while I was in, but it definitely came out after I got out of the military.
Although I had a great support group, lots of friends, being a Veteran there are a lot of things that you deal with that typical Civilian and the community just doesn’t get. Knowing I could go to the VA and you know, be open, was huge for me.
Once I decided to you know search out help or support through the VA I typically would just, you know, make an appointment with the primary care physician who would meet with me, ask questions about what I was feeling. There is definitely a network of professionals at the VA that work together with your case. They typically would put me in contact with a Behavioral Specialist, a Psychiatrist or Social Worker, someone who would be able to more appropriately work with that issue that I was having. I did participate in some one-on-one individual therapies.
Most recently I actually sought out help for depression, anxiety through the VA and was connected to an Addiction Therapist because I had mentioned that I thought I had issues with binge drinking, over drinking, having something to focus on other than just being sad, or depressed or anxious. Really having something to work with and work through, another tool in your toolbox.
I feel great, I think a part of that for me has always been kind of talking and sharing what I am going through. Being open with myself and others. Having that support group. I have got my father, he is a Vietnam Veteran and he has struggled with bouts of suicide, depression, anxiety as well and through just talking with him about my experience with the VA, good and bad I think it kind of helped open his eyes about this could be something that I could use as well. It worked out for him, he is fully entrenched in the VA. Community and Veteran’s organizations so it has actually helped, it has helped a lot. I would suggest to people to just ask questions, be open and honest with yourself and your support group. Try to find a support group, whether that is professionals within the health care system or within the community, your person or circle. Just share with them what you are going through and what you are looking to achieve. There are resources and programs available on all aspects of your being. Whatever your situation might be, there is something out there for you.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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Dizziness
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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