Back from rock bottom with help from a therapist

Troy:

My name is Troy. I was a Marine, United States Marine. I served from 1989 to 1993. I was stationed at 29 Palms, California for most of my time. I traveled quite often in that time period. It really took me a long time to feel like I had any other successes outside the Marines and no matter what I did it was never good enough. I always dealt with a little bit of anxiety but I didn't know what it was. Little things like everything always had to be perfect, and if it wasn't, I got really upset. My wife and I had a talk and we decided we'd mention it to the Doctor; that I got really upset about little things. So that's where we first started dealing with seeing a Psychiatrist on a probably monthly basis.

I have never looked back on those times as anything more than, my wife wanted me to act better. I got some medicine. I must be acting better, she’s not complaining. I just want to show up here and spend the least amount of time that I can with the Psychiatrist and move on.

It just spiraled badly in 2011. I had the business it was very - the economy was terrible. When I started the business I used a Home Equity Loan and all my credit cards to keep myself afloat. All of a sudden all my credit cards went up to 30%, my Home Equity fell out of my house because of the housing crash, the bank wanted all their money. Sometime in 2011 I couldn’t make it happen anymore. I remember calling my Doctor. I was driving down the road. I’m in the construction industry remember, I’m driving a pickup truck, I got my hard hat next to me and I’m bawling my eyes out. Something’s not right here. So, we worked through it. I ended up spending a significant amount of time inside the Inpatient Mental Health Unit. You’re in there two weeks and you can’t wait to get out.

You finally get out and all of a sudden initially you are full of like I can handle everything, everything is going to be great because I have learned this, this and this. Then you get out in the world and the first time something went wrong all of a sudden I lost all of my confidence again and I ended up back in there.

I don’t know if I started feeling like that was my comfortable place, I can hide in here, I don’t have to face the world. Then I got out of that again and after that I spent I think it is a 30 day program which was an intensive outpatient program. Not long after that I was sitting around the house bored because I basically turned my company over to somebody when this whole cycle started and that person kind of ran it – so we lost the company. I was sitting home one day and I just decided I would take all of my sleeping pills instead – so then I ended up back in the hospital again; but that time I had a great Doctor who basically came up to me and said “Hey I am sick of seeing you here, you gotta get your act together.” Somehow that resonated and I did. I started figuring out a way to – the therapy started making a little bit more sense and I just developed a couple of things that helped me cope.

There is no way to just sit there and say there is nothing wrong with me. You know you are gong to have to look at it and say that I want to get better and you are going to have to want to get better; but I think we have done a great job as a culture I guess in the last 10 or 15 years to really have worked hard at taking that stigma away and make it a little bit more acceptable.