Joseph was overwhelmed with guilt after the fellow sailor he loved died by suicide. After he left the Navy, Joseph experienced feelings of hopelessness and developed an eating problem. When he reconnected with a former teacher, he found the support he needed to begin counseling and turn his life around.
View Video TranscriptJoseph:
My name is Joseph. I served in the U.S. Navy for eight years and Desert Storm for two.
My inspiration for science… I wanted to become a robotics technician so I decided to study robotics throughout the Navy.
I was on an auxiliary oiler which is a starter ship, my first command. It was also my first experience with a man in my life. One night that I was on duty and he was on liberty by himself. A mutual friend of ours had said that he had tried to take a shotgun and try to kill himself. It turns out that he was being harassed by somebody that actually saw us together. This is the man I swore to love and protect, and without bringing attention to what we were doing or our relationship, I had to turn him in to save his life or what I thought was going to save his life.
They escorted him off the ship immediately and they just turned him away. I called to check up on him and found out that he had already committed suicide. I was just numb, physically and mentally numb. I didn’t know what to do. I’d failed him and that destroyed me.
I made a decision, a conscious decision, to live a heterosexual lifestyle. Shortly after I got married, I was awarded… I reenlisted and they gave me SEA school, something I was dying to go and do. We were on a second tour in the Persian Gulf. I was doing repairs on an ammunition elevator. They had had a full pallet of five-inch 54 ammunition. The break was not set. I came up, the ship had taken a roll, ended up severing my right foot. That one instant, my career was over. That was my second failure. Everything I had worked for, all of it gone.
Well, at this point now, I’ve had two failures in my life and I got a note stating that, “well your wife is leaving you” and “oh, but your son is born.” I was like okay great. I went into a frenzy. Now with the divorce and everything else going down and now no job, food was basically my drug of choice and I packed the weight on. My foot… I couldn’t walk properly. I tried working as a security guard. I wanted to find work. I mean, I looked. That’s when I became my darkest.
I was losing my mind. I had felt so alone and out of hope. I was sitting there holding these syringes ready to just go ahead and just go to sleep, just knock them out. That’s when it hit me. I failed three times. I’m not going to make it a fourth. I need to pick up my shit, dust myself off, and get going.
My elementary school teacher plays an integral part of my life when I was ten years old, the one that got me inspired with science. She opened a place in 1986, the same year I joined the Navy. It was a place for Veterans and they had… it was a holistic healing center. I went into counselling, went into a group support, and met some other Veterans. All of a sudden, I wasn’t alone anymore. I had that support system that I had left behind back in place.
I started to feel better about myself, my confidence was starting to rise, now it’s time for me. I started a business. I got my degree in computer information systems and I started to lose weight with a fantastic team and a wonderful husband who’s got my back. I am a new man. I have been transformed.
Anybody that’s sitting there ready to give up, do something. Talk to a Vet, call a buddy. There is somebody listening and we are here to help.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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