Jesse had a difficult time adjusting to civilian life after deployment. He used drugs and alcohol to try to forget his experiences in Iraq. He eventually reached out for help at VA, where he received therapy and connected with other Veterans. Now Jesse is a Peer Support Specialist and encourages fellow Veterans to reach out for help.
View Video TranscriptJesse:
My name is Jesse. I served with the United States Army's Infantry from 2001 to 2008. We crossed the border and invaded Iraq. Baqubah is a really volatile city, a lot of explosions and firefights. Ramadi was the same thing, that's when we lost a lot of our casualties, in Ramadi. Transitioning back from civilian life when I got out of the military, it was very difficult. I didn't realize that they were going to going to have — I don't call them nightmares — I do dream about Iraq daily, or nightly, I do dream about Iraq, and I dream about firefights and explosions. My hypervigilance affecting other people, my jumpiness affecting other people, where the slightest sound, bang, shot off in the distance, I do jump. I no longer had equipment to maintain, I no longer had to have accountability of my soldiers, I had nobody to lead. It's a challenge because that's what gives you purpose to get your head off the pillow in the morning, so having not to do that anymore, you lose yourself.
I had enough money saved up from the deployment I didn’t need to work, so I lived off my deployment money for about a year. Once that deployment money ran out I lived off unemployment for another year, not having anything to do, no purpose, no mission, no task, so it was really frustrating and I didn’t know what to do with myself, so that’s when I turned to substance abuse. That wasn’t a good way to cope. So, for two years I did nothing but hang around, waste time, waiting to get inebriated, just waiting to get that next drink. When I lost my first job because of substance abuse, that’s when I got a kick in the chin. It was like, “You know what? I’m not setting a good example for my brothers and sisters. I need to stop messing around, get my life in a better situation and be the big brother that my family deserves.” The Phoenix VA had an OIF clinic. It was EMDR therapy, reliving those past experiences, and them listening to me as far as not pushing some soft script down my throat, they were listening to me and allowing me to vent, and I’ve found out that’s the best way to heal is to vent, and relive it. It doesn’t numb it but it helps me get over the intense emotion. It’s realizing “You know what? Okay, something went wrong? Let’s work around it. Let’s adapt and overcome.” I started talking with other Veterans and me being service connected I got hired on as a medical support assistant in the mental health department of the Phoenix VA.
My first week of being hired on I get a suicidal Veteran on the phone. Didn’t know how to handle a suicidal Veteran, never expected to take a phone call like this, but my military training came in and I started talking on that phone like if I was talking to one of my soldiers on the radio. “Do you understand me, how copy, over,” just using military radio lingo. Well, after talking to this Veteran for a few minutes he told me that you know what, he’ll come into the Phoenix VA and get himself checked in. The medical staff that I was working with heard what I was doing, heard what I did over the phone and they told me, “Why don’t you become a peer support specialist?” I had no idea what that even was. It’s helping other Veterans. Again, I found another purpose, I found a reason to get my head off the bed in the morning.
The VA is great. If you take advantage of it. I’m one of the guys what felt had that machismo, “I don’t need help, I could do it on my own.” Two years of struggles, it took two years of realizing that I was hardheaded to learn how to ask for help. If you want therapy go in and ask for it. There’s a chance. All you have to do is want it.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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If you are experiencing headaches, try to rest with your eyes closed and head supported. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly without skipping meals, staying hydrated, and maintaining good posture are simple lifestyle changes that can help you avoid or reduce headaches. Talk to your doctor if you experience frequent or recurring headaches, which can be a sign of a medical issue. Learn more steps you can take on our Headaches page.
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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If I’m having nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Anything's Possible
Video Title: “We’re stronger together.” Army Veteran Urges Women Veterans To Get Support
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
Video Title: Brenda found the support she needed to live well
Video Title: Gambling for the adrenaline rush
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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