Finding a Way To Get Better 
 
Christina: Know what happened is what happened. Know that that is a projection. That's not you. 
 
Hi, I'm Christina, Air Force Veteran. My Service time was 2002 to 2008. In 2008, I was medically retired. Everybody left before we were getting ready to go out to this club. I laid on the bed, cuddle myself up. I'm already dressed. I just need to go lay down. Lay down, fell asleep. The next thing I remember was I was upside down on someone's shoulders in my blanket being thrown in a car. We went into this home and at that point, I'm beginning to come back to. The act is happening. At this point, I'm being raped. 
 
I get this anxiety, anger, outbursts. I got home and started seeing how bad it was. Because when you're in it, there's no mental health. You're in war. I knew I was mentally falling into illness. When I got out, I was medically retired and that's when I transferred to the VA. Went directly to my one on one and then I started doing the programs. Now from that, those are the programs that were absolutely why I'm able to sit here today.  
 
I was doing cognitive behavior therapy, cognitive processing therapy, dialectical behavior therapy. I have the responsibility for myself. I got to understand what it looks like to have a victim mindset versus a victorious mindset. I got to see that I was communicating my pain. I was communicating my hurt. If I'm hurting, that means I still have more work to heal. Doesn't mean that I'm not where I need to be. It means that right now, this is what needs to be addressed. 
 
I'm okay. I'm okay. I felt like that, I'm okay. For men and women that are experiencing military sexual trauma, acknowledging that this has happened is your first step. Taking a moment and saying, no, this is not my fault is your second step. Your third step is looking in the mirror and saying I'm worth it and I'm going to find a way to get better.