Melissa deployed twice, was shot at, and saw friends become injured at the hands of enemy forces. When she came home, she had to readjust to being with her family again—a task that was harder than she anticipated. She also found she had changed and preferred to be isolated most of the time. Find out how she reached out to VA and got help.
View Video TranscriptMelissa:
I'm Melissa. I am 42 years old. I was a member of the Minnesota National Guard and I have done two deployments to Iraq. One as a Specialist/E5 and then one as a Staff Sergeant. Pretty much, they tried to attack us on 90 percent of our convoys, so that was a lot of attacks. I've been shot at. I've had RPGs come to me and I've seen, you know, IEDs go off two trucks in front of me and take the back of a truck off. In our unit, we had one KIA- killed in action and we had three serious injuries. I think sometimes, that knowing after our first serious injury, he was burned over a large percent of his body that any time that you went out and you were attacked, you knew what could happen to you. So, it added a level of fear even if their attacks were unsuccessful.
When I left, my oldest child had gone to a different state to live with her father. She decided never to return to live with me full-time. I had three small children at home and they were, you know, 18 months older when I got home. So, there was definitely an issue with me having not been a parent for 18 months to go back to trying to be a parent to little children who now are older. When you’re deployed, you’re not constantly waiting on somebody else. And when I got home, my children needed constant waiting on, so I mean, there was frustration that they weren’t capable of taking care of themselves because you know, soldiers around me had been capable of taking care of themselves. So, I pretty much immediately started counseling at the Vet Center for Adjustment counseling to help me focus on how to be part of my family that I didn’t feel like I was a part of anymore.
There was a lot of focus on not reacting initially, you know. To get rid of my Army voice when I talked to my children and that there’s a voice that you use when you talk to children and you know, breathing techniques that, you know, if I got frustrated, I was to breathe before reacting that, you know, I couldn’t bark orders to my children and things like that.
Society is a large thing. They have this opinion that Veterans should be men and not women and if women are Vets and they’ve gone over there, then they’ve stayed on post and they’re nurses and they push papers and that they’re not combat Vets and I am a combat Vet. For a while, I was a gunner and then I went to just driving trucks, but, you know, I was attacked. I did see gunfire and society as a large doesn’t recognize that and it’s really frustrating.
I think being older at the time that I deployed, when a 23-year-old loses his eye and I’m 36, I know what lifetime means, you know, a little bit more view of how long and lasting these effects are. Being older, I saw that the kids that were 18, 19, 20 went over and they gained five or seven years maturity or more in a year and a half and the effects on them, I think women take that a little bit more personal.
My first deployment, I did suffer from insomnia. I could only sleep for three or four hours at a time. Driving on the road to this day, you know, if a vehicle is broken down on the side of the road, I will get us far away from it as I can. I did go back to Iraq. Some of the symptoms of my PTSD have gotten worse and I did actually after a year of being back and noticing I still wasn’t myself, I did go to the VA and say, you know, “I need help.” They did medicate me. The first medications didn’t work. They then switched up and I am starting a ten-week program to deal with the actual PTSD issues.
I have a lot of avoidance issues. In the last year and a half, I don’t go anywhere unless I’m meeting a Vet, somebody I know. I don’t go places on my own. I’ve had anxiety attacks at my own grocery store. I live in a very small world that I’ve created for myself. I have like, “My gas station, my grocery store, my Target.” And I don’t tend to like to go outside of my comfort zone unless I’m either taking somebody with me or I’m meeting somebody. I ended up having to take a break from the National Guard because drill became too hard for me to go to and that’s when I contacted the VA and said, you know, “I need help.” I can’t function up to my standards that I have. I’m not living up to my own standards. At some point, you get tired of your life as it is, or I got tired of my life as it was and needed to do something about it.
Life’s too short to be miserable. I don’t want to see anybody else come back and be miserable and sometimes it is just admitting, “I need help.” My life’s important and I deserve having my life returned back to me and so does any other Vet that’s been over there and so, you know, if they need help, there are resources out there.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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